What moves me most is that you refuse to call it a moral failing and name it as learned behaviour instead. That is exactly what I see in my work, only turned inward. Women who have trained themselves to scroll past their own exhaustion, their own grief, because staying asks too much. That was also learned one motion at a time. Which means it can be unlearned the same way. Your question about who is watching while you look away, or stay, is coming with me into Sunday.
This is such an insightful essay, Michell. I feel as though it isn’t just our attention for others that has dwindled—it’s our attention for ourselves. Months go by before we realise that we haven’t taken the time to feel something. I try to reach for my journal more than my devices. It isn’t always easy. In fact, it usually doesn’t happen. But I at least allow myself twenty seconds to make a conscious choice that will keep nagging at me until I open my journal.
This is so eye-opening! Such a great read. Scrolling has in a way become a defense mechanism for most. A way for someone to escape reality. It makes me question how deep we are willing to go to avoid the problems in our society.
I imagine an entire syllabus written around this. We are better when we understand what we are being conditioned for and how it shapes us. EXCELLENT piece.
Couldn’t swipe this one away. As I am helping raise my grandchildren in the busyness of life and all the things pulling at me, I really to try to make intentional pauses to just sit with them and play or sing, dance roll cars on the floor. But it was the scrolling past pain that really caught my heart. I use to be very intentional about holding space for people… sitting in the uncomfortable silence. I haven’t done much of that lately but it has been on my heart heavy. Thanks for the reminder. We really are living a Jetson’s world.
As you painted a vivid picture of your own childhood, the instant imagery of mine flowed back to me. The nostalgia here is absolutely palpable and awakened all five senses within me. The first time you mentioned staying with something long enough for it to change you, I thought back to myself. When is the last time I did that? I feel like the last time it actually occurred. It was not something that I brought upon myself voluntarily. In fact, it is postpartum. A lot of the questions that you shared with us will be dancing around in my head, and the impact that you made on me with this piece I know will be everlasting. I hope it trickles down from me to my son in the same way that you have shared the shift with your daughter. I love you, friend, thank you for all that you are and I truly appreciate all that you share.
This is incredibly beautiful and moving. Even when I think I’m doing so much better than the average addict, I’m no better. We need constant retreats away from these devices, in all seriousness. Love your work always ✨
Everything about this essay is reflective and raw and that makes it gorgeous. I teach humanity in medicine: both in the classroom and trying to build a practice here for future doctors and allied health providers to NOTICE. To stay present. What you are calling to attention here for all of us, I also see in the classroom and the clinic. And it’s terrifying.
thank you for these thoughts...this is such a huge issue nowadays. I totally agree that the "scrolling reflex" kills empathy...and the ability to just SIT WITH and WORK THROUGH stuff...rather than frantically running away from it. I do think that people have ALWAYS looked for ways to temporarily escape "real life"...let's face it, life has always been hard and something you just NEED to take a break and take your thoughts off everything. The thing is just, there are more and less healthy ways to do this...and scrolling is definitely an unhealthy one...and now the entire world seems to mostly use this single mechanism nonstop.
In the past, when phones weren't there to distract us from whatever was disturbing us, we could "escape" in other ways, like, taking a loooong walk in the woods, reading a book, putting on headphones and just listening to music...in a way, this is "escaping" too...but the difference is that with these escapes, rather than being "bombarded" with stimulation, flooded with sensational crap, fake news, and everyone's opinion about everything and nothing, you would just listen to THAT song, THAT one movie, that one book...all of which have a way of quieting our thoughts and helping us to regain balance, rather than throwing our nervous system off even more than it was before. After a long walk in the woods...a good movie...intentional listening to music, you feel recharged and maybe inspired about how to continue on in the world...scrolling does the opposite. It drains us and leaves us more confused, more nerve-wrecked, more anxious than before.
We need empathy for each other so urgently...so thank you for these thoughts!
This was beautifully written and articulated things that I have been struggling with in raising my children. You are absolutely right that the avoidance through scrolling is a learned behavior and that I have the ability to demonstrate another way of being in the world for my children. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Such a beautiful peace on presence, on responsibility, on parent hood, on rituals and of life. It made me think about so much in our Marcy world and thank you so much for these beautiful questions!
Thank you for writing this! I basically restacked the whole thing. I agree with the other comments saying this should be mandatory reading for all adults. I have shared it with several friends already. As a Gen Z, I have a strong push and pull between wanting to return to simpler times (not that I personally experienced very much of that growing up in the digital age) and also knowing the value of the internet and social media. I saw another essay earlier today about how the human brain only has capacity for 150 meaningful connections. We have instagrams with thousands of followers from various encounters some deep others surface, thousands of emails, streaming platforms with millions of songs, podcasts, audiobooks at our disposal. We were never meant to have this much access. It made me think about the Epstein document dump and how the overwhelm of information distracted us from what was underneath it all. You braided together many things I have been thinking about lately...a lot to sit with.
What moves me most is that you refuse to call it a moral failing and name it as learned behaviour instead. That is exactly what I see in my work, only turned inward. Women who have trained themselves to scroll past their own exhaustion, their own grief, because staying asks too much. That was also learned one motion at a time. Which means it can be unlearned the same way. Your question about who is watching while you look away, or stay, is coming with me into Sunday.
Thank you for hearing the nuance I attempted to pull out. I appreciate you for taking the time!
This should be mandatory reading for all adults, starting with parents and college students.
One can hope! Thank you, Joah.
This is such an insightful essay, Michell. I feel as though it isn’t just our attention for others that has dwindled—it’s our attention for ourselves. Months go by before we realise that we haven’t taken the time to feel something. I try to reach for my journal more than my devices. It isn’t always easy. In fact, it usually doesn’t happen. But I at least allow myself twenty seconds to make a conscious choice that will keep nagging at me until I open my journal.
I relate to this deeply.
“Discomfort equals skip. Difficulty equals swipe. Suffering equals scroll.”
This is so eye-opening! Such a great read. Scrolling has in a way become a defense mechanism for most. A way for someone to escape reality. It makes me question how deep we are willing to go to avoid the problems in our society.
A "defense mechanism" is so apt. Thank you for being here, and for sharing.
I imagine an entire syllabus written around this. We are better when we understand what we are being conditioned for and how it shapes us. EXCELLENT piece.
High praise coming from you, Mrs Clark. Thank you!
Couldn’t swipe this one away. As I am helping raise my grandchildren in the busyness of life and all the things pulling at me, I really to try to make intentional pauses to just sit with them and play or sing, dance roll cars on the floor. But it was the scrolling past pain that really caught my heart. I use to be very intentional about holding space for people… sitting in the uncomfortable silence. I haven’t done much of that lately but it has been on my heart heavy. Thanks for the reminder. We really are living a Jetson’s world.
Deeply appreciate you taking the time. And thank you for being a present grandmother!
As you painted a vivid picture of your own childhood, the instant imagery of mine flowed back to me. The nostalgia here is absolutely palpable and awakened all five senses within me. The first time you mentioned staying with something long enough for it to change you, I thought back to myself. When is the last time I did that? I feel like the last time it actually occurred. It was not something that I brought upon myself voluntarily. In fact, it is postpartum. A lot of the questions that you shared with us will be dancing around in my head, and the impact that you made on me with this piece I know will be everlasting. I hope it trickles down from me to my son in the same way that you have shared the shift with your daughter. I love you, friend, thank you for all that you are and I truly appreciate all that you share.
Love you friend! Thank you so much! Hearing you say that this awakened all five senses is one of the best compliments.
This is incredibly beautiful and moving. Even when I think I’m doing so much better than the average addict, I’m no better. We need constant retreats away from these devices, in all seriousness. Love your work always ✨
We really, REALLY do need space from these devices. Thank you so much for reading. Means the world coming from you!
Everything about this essay is reflective and raw and that makes it gorgeous. I teach humanity in medicine: both in the classroom and trying to build a practice here for future doctors and allied health providers to NOTICE. To stay present. What you are calling to attention here for all of us, I also see in the classroom and the clinic. And it’s terrifying.
Thank you for the necessary, urgent work that you do, both in the classroom and the clinic. I can only imagine the weight that comes with it.
Thank you. Also, worth the discomfort of staying present to it.
thank you for these thoughts...this is such a huge issue nowadays. I totally agree that the "scrolling reflex" kills empathy...and the ability to just SIT WITH and WORK THROUGH stuff...rather than frantically running away from it. I do think that people have ALWAYS looked for ways to temporarily escape "real life"...let's face it, life has always been hard and something you just NEED to take a break and take your thoughts off everything. The thing is just, there are more and less healthy ways to do this...and scrolling is definitely an unhealthy one...and now the entire world seems to mostly use this single mechanism nonstop.
In the past, when phones weren't there to distract us from whatever was disturbing us, we could "escape" in other ways, like, taking a loooong walk in the woods, reading a book, putting on headphones and just listening to music...in a way, this is "escaping" too...but the difference is that with these escapes, rather than being "bombarded" with stimulation, flooded with sensational crap, fake news, and everyone's opinion about everything and nothing, you would just listen to THAT song, THAT one movie, that one book...all of which have a way of quieting our thoughts and helping us to regain balance, rather than throwing our nervous system off even more than it was before. After a long walk in the woods...a good movie...intentional listening to music, you feel recharged and maybe inspired about how to continue on in the world...scrolling does the opposite. It drains us and leaves us more confused, more nerve-wrecked, more anxious than before.
We need empathy for each other so urgently...so thank you for these thoughts!
Points well taken. I appreciate this perspective. We all need more walks in the woods.
This was such a cathartic witnessing. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for being here.
We no longer have a shared culture. That is why it is so easy to dehumanize people now.
I fear culture has collapsed into one globalized, algorithm driven cesspool.
This is such a great post Michell! And well timed as I’m watching reels instead of getting outside in the world!
Thank you, Janet!
This was beautifully written and articulated things that I have been struggling with in raising my children. You are absolutely right that the avoidance through scrolling is a learned behavior and that I have the ability to demonstrate another way of being in the world for my children. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I appreciate you, Nicole! Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Wishing you and your family the best.
Such a beautiful peace on presence, on responsibility, on parent hood, on rituals and of life. It made me think about so much in our Marcy world and thank you so much for these beautiful questions!
Maya! Thank you so much, my friend.
Thank you for writing this! I basically restacked the whole thing. I agree with the other comments saying this should be mandatory reading for all adults. I have shared it with several friends already. As a Gen Z, I have a strong push and pull between wanting to return to simpler times (not that I personally experienced very much of that growing up in the digital age) and also knowing the value of the internet and social media. I saw another essay earlier today about how the human brain only has capacity for 150 meaningful connections. We have instagrams with thousands of followers from various encounters some deep others surface, thousands of emails, streaming platforms with millions of songs, podcasts, audiobooks at our disposal. We were never meant to have this much access. It made me think about the Epstein document dump and how the overwhelm of information distracted us from what was underneath it all. You braided together many things I have been thinking about lately...a lot to sit with.