For when they say you're "too much"

...here's what they really mean, and here's what you should do about it

They might say you’re “too much” because something about the way that you show up makes them feel uncomfortable.

They operate differently—nothing more, and nothing less. What they really should be saying is “we’re incompatible.”

They might say you’re “too much” because they can observe you, but they can’t see you. They observe your way of being through the lens of their own limited perspective and would rather make a decision about who you are than remain curious about why you are the way that you are.

They might say you’re “too much” because they hear you, but they don’t feel you. They don’t just hear what you say and take it at face value, they assign additional meaning to what you’re saying based on their own assumptions and experiences.

They might say that you’re “too much” because they don’t like what they think you represent. When they look at you, they see shadows from their past. And they don’t know what to do with that.

They might say you’re “too much” because someone once told them the same thing—and your existence reminds them of the ways that they are choosing to dim their personality or hide their brilliance to minimize other peoples’ discomfort. Your willingness to be your true, full self might remind them of the hurtful compromises that they made with the hopes of being accepted.

Remember that one person’s “too much” is another person’s “just right.”

Show up as your true self.

You deserve to know what it’s like to be loved, in full—and that doesn’t happen from within the confines of other peoples’ expectations.

Thank you so much for reading—if you’re a premium subscriber, keep reading to learn about five strategies that help me to stop shrinking myself when other people make me feel judged, unseen, or unwelcome.

These are some of the strategies that help me to stop shrinking myself, even when other people are uncomfortable with the ways that I show up:

1. I remember that there’s no such thing as an unbiased opinion. What other people think of me is less about who I am, and more about what they’ve decided that I represent based on their experiences, beliefs, and expectations.

2. I lead with empathy—for myself and for others. I get to respect the way that you feel, be curious about the factors that influenced you to think that way, and hear your opinion without trying to “bring you over to my side.” And when all is said and done, I still get to think for myself.

3. I keep a “rainy day” folder with screenshots of kind messages that I’ve received from people who think that my “too much” is “just right.” If you express yourself on the internet, you’re bound to get negative responses from people at some point. Hold onto the kind things that people say about you so that you have something to fall back on if a negative response makes you feel defensive, inadequate, or unseen in the moment.

4. I take time to get clear on my own principles and priorities, so that I’m less dependent on the opinions of other people.

5. I remind myself that I’d rather be true to who I am and attract people who appreciate my presence than exhaust myself trying to appease people who have decided that they’re qualified to be my judge and jury.

Thank you so much for being a premium Love Lives Here subscriber—your support helps me to keep writing!

As a token of my continuous gratitude, I’ll be hosting free monthly workshops for all premium subscribers, starting in January 2024. We’ll be setting New Years’ intentions that actually work, writing our own affirmations, and much more. Can’t wait to share more!