5 Ways To Show Up For Yourself

The world is a better place when you're healthy and happy.

Sep 14, 2023

You ever look back on your life and say to yourself, “actually, that was my fault?”

Hindsight is 20/20, and sometimes you get a side order of regret to go along with the clarity. I can look back on my life and see specific moments when heavy emotions and a lack of self-awareness joined forces to turn me into a version of myself that I’m not proud of.

I’ve been selfish.

I’ve been arrogant.

I’ve lacked empathy.

I’ve hurt people.

At some of my lowest moments, I’ve exemplified the phrase “hurt people, hurt people.”

Some people from my past would laugh out loud at the thought of me writing about mental health, healing, and love–because during certain seasons of my life, I was the problem. I didn’t want to hurt people, but I did. In hindsight, I can see that my inability to show up for myself is what pulled me so far out of alignment with who I am at my core.

If you’re reading this and you can relate, I want you to know that you are far from alone. At some point, every single one of us is the problem.

We don’t wake up and decide to be the villain of the day–sometimes, we operate from spaces of resentment, apathy, and selfishness because we spent too long putting everybody’s needs before our own. We poured into people who didn’t love us back with the same level of intentionality, care, or concern. We tried to be everything to everybody, only to push ourselves into a space where we were too burnt out to do anything at all.

But here’s the thing: when you choose to give yourself what you need, you live a happier life and you increase your capacity to show up for the people you love. This world can be exhausting, in so many ways—but when we acknowledge ourselves and listen to our emotions, we make space for a world where we can love each other more generously, in word and in action.

Here are five commitments (and five corresponding journal prompts) that will help you to do a better job of showing up for yourself, so that you can keep showing up for the people you love.

1. Commit to getting clear on what you actually want and need.

Peer pressure doesn’t die after middle school. Some of us are still chasing after the socially acceptable versions of ourselves that we think other people will approve of. And if we’re not careful, we’ll get so caught up in trying to meet other peoples’ expectations that we lose sight of our own. Meeting other peoples’ criteria will never serve our specific wants, needs, or desires. You deserve a life that makes you happy. Take some time to figure out who you are when there’s nobody left to perform for.

Journal prompts:

What would your “best day ever” look like? Imagine your ideal day, from when you wake up to when you go to sleep. What are you doing? Who are you spending time with? How do you feel?
Make a “joy list” of 5 moments in your life when you felt truly happy. Can you pick up on any patterns or trends in these moments?

2. Commit to acknowledging and interrogating your feelings.

Emotions serve a purpose, even when you wish that they came with an “unsubscribe” button. Emotions are signals–they help us to understand the world around us and how it’s affecting us. If we didn’t have emotions, we wouldn’t be able to act quickly to protect ourselves. If we didn’t have emotions, it would be hard for us to understand what actually matters to us in the moment. Sometimes, our emotions feel inconvenient–they don’t always align with how we want to feel. But we need to remember that suppressing our emotions doesn’t change the way that we feel. We need to remember that we can acknowledge the way that we feel without letting our emotions control our reactions.

Journal prompts:

What are you feeling, right now?
Has anything happened that might be contributing to this feeling?
Are there any underlying narratives that might be shaping how you feel about what happened?
What would you say to a close friend or loved one who was experiencing this feeling?
What are some constructive ways to express this emotion?
How do you feel after writing this down? Has anything changed?

3. Commit to remembering that your energy is finite.

Conserving your energy isn’t “lazy”—it’s a necessary act of self-preservation. Every time you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to everything else you could be doing with the time, energy, and attention that your “yes” requires. If you refuse to trust your own discernment and set your own boundaries, you will set yourself up for unnecessary pain, misalignment, and suffering. If you can’t tell anybody else “no,” you’ll run out of energy to tell yourself “yes.”

Journal Prompts:

Identify any events, tasks, or situations that drained your energy over the past few days. How can you better manage them in the future?
Did anything boost your energy today? If so, how can you incorporate more of these “boosters” into your daily or weekly routines?

4. Commit to establishing boundaries that help you to maintain relationships with the people you love.

You can love someone unconditionally without granting them unconditional access to your energy, your time, and your resources. Healthy love comes with healthy boundaries. When you set a boundary with someone, you’re not punishing them–you’re showing them that you love them enough to have hard conversations that will ultimately protect your relationship with them. When you set a boundary with someone, you’re helping them to understand how you’d like to be treated. When you set a boundary with someone, you’re reducing the likelihood of feeling resentment towards them down the road.

Journal prompts:

What are your physical, emotional, and mental limits?
What people, places, or interactions deplete your energy?
What are boundaries that you can set to protect yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally?
After implementing boundaries, what worked? What didn’t work? What adjustments should you make?

5. Commit to showing up for the people you love–and make sure you are one of those people.

Picture this: you overhear someone you love talking on the phone. Eventually, you can’t help but realize that they’re talking about you. They’re talking about how kind you are. They are expressing gratitude for your generosity and support. They are naming specific moments when you went above and beyond to show up for them. You tear up a little bit when they say that their life is better because of your love for them. Now, look in the mirror. Can you say the same thing about the relationship with yourself? Do you speak to yourself with kindness? Do you go above and beyond to show up for yourself? How often do you remember that you are just as deserving of love as everyone else that you call “friend”?

Journal prompts:

How have you been showing up for yourself lately?
What beliefs, obligations, or circumstances stop you from showing up for yourself consistently?
What are three self-care activities that you can commit to doing in the next seven days?

I’m a father, husband, and writer. If I’m not writing, I’m either changing diapers, re-watching Superstore, or knocking out some pull-ups. I’m somewhat new to Substack, but I’ve been writing since the era of dial-up internet. I’m building this platform with the hopes of making the world a kinder, more thoughtful, and more understanding place.

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