7 Truths About Failure That You Need To Accept
Your failures don’t define your character, your strength, or your abilities.
Sometimes we feel like we’ve failed because we’re using the wrong rubric to evaluate our progress. When you compete with other people instead of yourself, your accomplishments don’t feel impressive enough. The applause doesn’t feel loud enough. The progress doesn’t feel fast enough—not because you’re a failure, but because you’re evaluating your life based on your limited perception of what is happening in other peoples’ lives. You might be tempted to judge your life in comparison to the lives of other people, but it’s healthier to gauge your progress based on how far you’ve come.
Failure isn’t the end of the road—but sometimes, our emotions make us feel like it is. Few things in life are more frustrating than failing at something that we put a ton of time, energy, and effort into accomplishing. During the moments right after you fail, it’s especially important to acknowledge all of your emotions while giving yourself a chance to separate feelings from facts. Just because it feels like all hope is lost in the moment, doesn’t mean that you’re resigned to give up on yourself for the rest of your life. Just because it feels like you’ll never recover, doesn’t mean that you can’t. Just because it feels like life will never get back to normal after your failure, doesn’t mean that it won’t.
The world will be a better place when we stop mocking other people for trying, and failing. In a world where so many of us have “online presences”, “brands”, and personas to maintain, sometimes it feels better to hide than to put ourselves out there. It feels easier to stay within our comfort zones than to risk looking incompetent. The thought of failure can be frightening, and that natural fear is only amplified when we see groups of people online finding joy in the downfall of others. Every time that we publicly mock a stranger for making an honest mistake in good faith, somebody else who sees the exchange wonders if it’s better to stay safe and stagnant instead of pursuing growth in unfamiliar spaces. I’d rather contribute to societal norms that encourage growth, experimentation and healthy risk-taking than defensiveness and stagnation.
It’s wise to think of failure as a mentor. We all want more experienced people in our lives—people who can show us how to accomplish our goals, how to avoid common mistakes, and how to remain focused on what really matters. But the most resonant and applicable lessons we will ever receive will come from our own life experiences. When you interpret moments of failure as educational opportunities instead of dirty little secrets, you free yourself from shame and empower yourself to grow as a result of what you’ve experienced.
At some point, we all fail. There is no world in which any of us can live an error-free life. Mistakes are part of who we are, and life gets better when we learn to embrace the fullness of who we are–not with reluctance, but with open arms and an open heart. There’s no benefit to be gained from assigning negative labels to yourself based on inevitable outcomes.
Failure doesn’t make you a bad or weak person. Every person you’ve ever loved, admired, or learned from has also failed. Your failures don’t define your character, your strength, or your abilities.
The way that you respond to failure will change your life. Failure is not a prompt for you to start beating yourself up, dwelling on your mistakes, or questioning your worth. It’s an opportunity to step back, reassess, and move forward with the additional insight and information that you can access as a result of your experience. When you do fail, make space for all of your feelings. Take the time that you need to sit with yourself and recover. And then, get back on your feet so that you can move on with your life.
Hey, I’m Michell.
I’m a father, husband, and writer. If I’m not writing, I’m either changing diapers, re-watching Superstore, or knocking out some pull-ups. I’m somewhat new to Substack, but I’ve been writing since the era of dial-up internet. I’m building this platform with the hopes of making the world a kinder, more thoughtful, and more understanding place.
I deeply appreciate your willingness to invest in my writing—it’s a dream come true to write for a living. I welcome all of your feedback, questions, and input in the form of comments on this post or direct messages using the Substack app.
To Be Pondered:
What new things would you attempt if you weren’t scared of failure?
To Be Read:
To Be Streamed:
This short excerpt from my After You Fail podcast episode with Ehime Ora about the role that failure plays in our quest for purpose.